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| so i went to country usa, which was amazing!!! but lately i've been feeling very alone. all i've been doing is working and reading. i haven't been sleeping very well. last night i heard to clock chim 4:30 and i didn't even fall asleep once yet. i opened my window cuz i was really hot that didn 't work so i went in the basement and sleep. don't know what's up with me and frankly i don't think anyone cares! | | |
| i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. is that a good thing? i'm not so sure. i used tothink i was happy with my life and in the direction it was going. not so sure anymore. i'm not worried about college and what i want to do cuz i know all that and like where that's going. it's right now i'm not to fond of all of a sudden. it feels like people are walking all over me and don't care. they'll talk to me when they want something or need help but otherwise i feel dead to them. like when i was in new york. did anyone wonder where i went? NO. see everyone has that one person who they kind of keep track of and that person kind of keeps track of them well i feel like i try to keep track of everyone and no one gives a damn about me. i could be still lost in new york and no one would care. oh i lied they would know i was missing when they took role call. i'm just a number. another one someone HAS to keep track of not one someone WANTS to. i'm sick of feeling this way. i feel like i don't belong anywhere. i once read a book called the wanderer and that's exactly how i feel. i wander from place to place unoticed and unwanted. | | |
| LEAVING FOR NEW YORK CITY ON SATURDAY!!! hopefully it's fun. i have to room with a girl that i've been havin problems with lately so hopefully everything goes smoothly. i actually should be in Virginia Beach, Virginia but this NYC trip got in the way. i was supose to see one of my friends wrestle in wrestling nationals! I'M SO PISSED ABOUT THAT, but what am i'm going to do about it? well i hope everything works out for me and if it doesn't i'll just hang on and plung ahead. | | |
| ok so me and this guy. it feels like we're going out but we aren't. i'm sick of people asking me if we are and my answer is always no. i really don't want to say no anymore. but really what am i supose to do? just waitin and waitin and waitin and waitin.... he offered to drive me to a music competition that we both really don't want to go to but have no choice. i get to spend the whole day with him. still kind of frustrated that he said no to me for prom. he said it was just cuz he really didn't like his prom. so i don't really know if it's more than that. i hope it isn't. i don't know, i still don't understand this whole situation. i swear i'm so frustrated with the guy i could pull out all my hair. no i'm just kiddin but i am really frustrated. i just need to figure everything out and i will i know i will. i have to. | | |
| okay so he didn't kiss her. the information i got was wrong. he came over on friday and we talked for hours. it was really good, we haven't just sat down and talked in a long time. i asked him to prom and he said no cuz he really didn't have fun at his prom and it isn't worth it. i hope things don't get akward between us. i feel rejected. (that's cuz i was) why do i keep getting shot down i keep putting myself out there but just to get put down again. i don't know howmany more times i can get up. but i always do and i always will cuz that's just who i am. but i still don't understand him and how he feels. i wish he would just come out and tell me so i know if i'm wasteing my time or not. i'm really not cuz he's a great friend and we have so much fun together. he graduates this year so we'll see if i really mean something to him if we continue to hang out and talk. i really hope we do because i would miss him a lot. i guess i'll just have to go to prom stag (but i really don't want to and i really don't have any desire to go with anyone else. i guess i would go with whoever asks depending on who it is. not that anyone is going to ask me.) | | |
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